the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
