you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
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Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
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found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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