the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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