You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
