The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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