Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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