I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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