I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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