Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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