I hate your face
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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