he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
