i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
