Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
