me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
