I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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