I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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