I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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