I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
