her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
