Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He shit in the fireplace
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