I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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