Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
