I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
