my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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