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he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
