JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
