He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
