after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
