Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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