Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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