Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
