All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
