Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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