I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
