When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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