he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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