I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
