my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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