proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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