Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
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The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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