I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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