So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
