Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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