A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You are a genius and a whore.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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