dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
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