the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
