we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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