Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
