VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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