just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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