Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
