Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
