nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
