so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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