What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
