Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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