wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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