what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
