i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
