Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm at about main and main street
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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