he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
