I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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