I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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