yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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