she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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