I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
