if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
