If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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