I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
