Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
