he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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