Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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