you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
