You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
