A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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