I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
