When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
