i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
